Give us a wee dance, Emma!

After reading Johnathon Skinner's, "At the busk and after dusk: ceroc and the construction of dance times and places", memories of traumatising family parties of years gone by came flooding back to me. Having many years of experience in musical theatre, with particular interest in tap dancing, from a young age I have wrestled with the proposition, "Give us a wee dance Emma", "Sing us a song". My family never understood, (and still continue not to) why I point blanc refuse to give a performance of any kind to the living room of gathered relatives. Surely it would be easier to perform in the comfortable surroundings of your own home, infront of your loving relatives, than the anonymous, 2000 strong paying audience members of the Grand Opera House, they'd question. This said, still to this day, I just cant do it. When I'm on stage, in a sparkling outfit, face dazzling with make up, supported by music and lights, looking out into the dark audience, I feel invincible. A certain barrier between the audience and I exists.They cannot see my nerves or even my true nature/character to a certain extent. It is masked by the spectacle, the darkness. I am playing a character, who is brave and body confident, flirting with the audience as I entice them with my dance. If a make a mistake, it may go unnoticed amongst the spetacle. If not, the audience do not know me, therefore I care little. As Skinner notes, with regard to the flashing disco lights of a Ceroc dance hall, "The time and space assist the performers to 'lose themselves' in the music and their roles." (117)
In my own home however, I would most likely be standing in a brightly lit room, wearing my own average clothes and make up, propped up in front of the TV and looking directly into the expectant faces of my Great Aunt and her chums. I have no lights  or music to hide behide. I feel uncomfortable turning on the almost flirtatious confidence of a dancer-its a side of myself I wouldnt openly expose to my family in such close quarters. It is, as Skinner notes, the same as how many dancing Ceroc in the shopping mall "cannot suspend," "their work and feeling of family responsibility."(117)However, unable to hide behide the confident 'dancer' persona, I merely leave myself open to shyness and mistakes brought about by nerves. Therefore to this day I refuse. I found Johnathon Skinner's article related to these experiences on many interesting levels with regards to the difference time and place makes to the comfort/confidence of the dancer.